


When Nightmares Fade

by SwordsandShields99



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-10 15:51:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20854328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwordsandShields99/pseuds/SwordsandShields99
Summary: In the years following the Exalted Council, with the rise of new threats the people of Thedas begin to forget the noble deeds of those in the Inquisition. A small group that blame the Inquisition for not doing enough send threats to the Inquisitor herself. Of course, the team won't let this stand. Especially the Commander that married her. Leliana tracks down the enemy and Cullen leads a small team to eliminate the threat. Things don't go according to plan however, and when he returns he'll learn that his life is changing forever.**Read warnings****Spoilers: If you're looking for drama for drama's sake, this one is for you. I have been reading a lot of fanfics with Cullen and the Inquisitor post-trespasser, getting married, having a baby, etc. So, I decided to write an especially drama-filled version myself. From violence, to romance, to family, I'm going to try and jam pack this short story with lots of drama-filled details.**





	1. All Things Evil

Cullen was half conscious, his mind filled with regret and worry. Maker, there had just been too many of them. The intel was blatantly wrong. And his poor men fought till their last. He could feel warm liquid trickling down his face, and felt blood shooting from his abdomen. He felt the restraints around his wrists, not that he had the strength to fight back any longer. He had given it his all on the field. He was the last man standing,and he was going to take as many of them with him as he could. He finally had something he wanted to go home to. He didn't want to die in this battle, he wanted to be with her. He had seen her hair shimmering in the sunlight as he fell to the ground, and now in this dimly lit room full of fowl smells and chains he could see her smile. He wanted to be saved of course, he imagined the inquisition soldiers bursting through the door and handing him his sword and shield to fight another day, but he wanted her safe much more.

**2 Weeks Later**  
  


He felt his eyelids droop in exhaustion, and his mind returned to their wedding day 3 years ago at the exalted council. Hidden away, a small secret just for them. Josie was furious of course, but it had been perfect for them. Since then, more and more disgruntled people banned together, growing into a threat that must be dealt with. Disgruntled people that blamed the Inquisition, the Inquisitor herself for not saving their loved ones. As if she hadn't done everything she could... as if she hadn't sacrificed nearly everything for Thedas. Even in this state it angered him. His mind returned to the two of them sitting in their bed watching the firelight, speaking of a family, of children. They had tucked that dream far away, with the growing threat to the Inquisition and the constant death letters sent to her. The risk was too high. 

Leliana had worked day and night getting reliable intel to put these dogs down. But they had no idea just how many there were damn it. Leliana's reports stated that there were no more than 20, and there were 100. 100 of them versus 50 soldiers and Cullen. They were so close, Cullen and 3 other soldiers were pinned down with only 15 remaining men to the enemy. But he and his men were simply exhausted and were no match. He hoped Leliana wouldn't blame herself, although he knew she would. _Just get these bastards Nightingale. Don't let them get to her._

_** _2 Weeks Later**

He was jolted to reality by a swift punch to the face. "We finally have you.... _Commander_" a man with one eye sneered. This was a different man from any others he had seen since he arrived. "We had hoped the Inquisitor would have been here, and then we could have just killed you both and been done with it. She's the main target of our organization after all, but you were always the one I wanted. The leader of an entire army, and what did you do with it?" One-Eye spat on Cullen. "Not Maker-damned enough!" He kicked Cullen in the gut, and he felt a wound re-open. One-Eye kicked him again in the chest. Cullen could tell his ribs were already broken, and he felt the wind knocked from his lungs. He gasped for air as the man grabbed his hair and pulled his head close. Cullen noticed One-Eye wore his armor, everything but the fur mantle he had left with Aria. She had wanted to keep it, she had said it smelled of him and it would comfort her until his return. "I won't make that mistake with you, I promise" One-Eye whispered bitterly as he slowly slit a knife though Cullen's forearm.   
  


"Enough!" he heard an older man shout. "We need him alive to lure her out. Then you can have all the fun you want." 

_'No!' _Cullen thought. He would rather die. He slipped once again into unconsciousness. 

**2 Weeks Later**

"Cullen... Cullen!" 

His eyes shot open. There she was in front of him, hands bound and her hair stuck to her face with sweat and blood. '_Maker, no.. please..._' he thought. "Aria! No.. Maker.. are you alright?" He said barely above a hoarse whisper. His strength had left him. She softly whimpered in response, and it broke his heart.

Suddenly, One-Eye strode through the door with a knife. Cullen struggled against his bindings and roared in effort and anger. One-Eye grabbed her hair and pulled her head to his stomach as he put the knife to her throat. "We'll be back shortly, _Commander_." He dragged Aria by her hair through the door as she kicked and shrieked trying to break free.. and they were gone. His wrists were bloody against the restraints and he felt a magical barrier holding him down like weights. And then it started. He heard her strangled screams grow into shrill shrieks of pain. He heard cracking of bone and the sound of chains and whips. It was exactly like the circle, all of his friends dying in pain one by one. Only this time it was her. The love of his life. Hot tears streamed down his face as he shouted for them to stop. It felt like an eternity. 

"Stop! Take me instead...... Please!" The please got their attention. He heard the noises stop and could hear something being drug in the hallway. One-Eye drug her body through the door way and tossed her bloodied body to the ground.

"You want me to stop? Would you prefer I give her pleasure rather than pain?" One-Eye grinned. Cullen didn't know what to do, he just needed to save her somehow. "I won't like it very much, knife-ear bitches aren't really my type although I guess you must have some sort of weird fetish. But since you asked nicely, I'll give it a go." He grabbed Aria by the hair again roughly and she whimpered. Aria was such a fierce fighter, but all the fight seemed gone. He saw her arm broken at a strange angle, the other stump where her arm used to be bled profusely. Her face was bloodied and bruised. "Make sure to take notes, _Commander_" One-Eye sneered. He ripped Aria's shirt off and groped her breasts as he stood behind her, grinding his filthy manhood against her head. Cullen whispered, "Stop." One-Eye laughed and stripped his pants. His privates were disfigured and red, partially due to his erection but also due to the bumps and filth. He rubbed it on her beautiful head. "STOP!" Cullen roared. The man laughed and ripped down Aria's pants. Before Cullen could even blink the man forced himself into her, and she screamed in pain. Cullen shouted and struggled but the magic binding him only got tighter the more he fought.

Her screams died down to whimpers and he heard her whisper, "No... please... Cullen... forgive me." Blood streamed down her thighs, and One-Eye pushed her roughly face down to the dirt. He began to crawl on top of her, and Cullen saw the man slowly transform into a demon. One-Eye's horns protruded from his grayish skin and a black aura surrounded him, and he lowered down to her face, and licked her neck. Cullen watched the tears stream down her cheeks. He watched as what little fight was left in her got snuffed out. Her tears ceased and she stopped moving. Had she passed out? Suddenly, she began to change as well. 

"Look at that, your bitch decided she'd had enough. Will you be willing to kill your abomination of a wife, Templar?" The man threw her at Cullen. Her eyes glowed and her features were stretched. She spoke with a strange voice, "Of course he will. Do you remember, all those years ago? I asked what you would do. You couldn't even look at me. I know the answer." She took a knife and cut Cullen's restraints. "Here" she said as she placed the knife in his shaking hands, "right through the heart, _Sweetie_. I always knew you would kill me someday. Look at your hands shaking like that. _Pathetic._ You honestly thought this would last between us? After all you've done? I know you, and I never believed in you. After you kill me _husband,_ you should just give in to those shaking hands and die already." She violently lunged onto the knife, and Cullen pulled back in shock. He slowly lowered his hands and dropped the knife, and put his head in his hands, "Ari.. please.."

*SMACK*

He was awake. Another nightmare? But it was so real. "Quiet down, or I will actually kill you Templar" One-Eye said in an annoyed tone. He was in a cell now. They had moved him. He looked down. His hands shook worse than ever before, and his head felt like it was splitting in half. Withdraw, on top of everything else. He hadn't been able to keep down any food or water in longer than he could remember. His mother stood outside his cell. His mother? She smiled and looked down, she was stirring something in a pot. He blinked hard, and she was gone. "_Oh no.." _Cullen thought. Withdraw, visions... these were known final stages. He was finally loosing his mind after all these years fighting. He had tried so hard to beat this.

He heard the men talking, "he's been screaming, seeing things."

"Lyrium withdraw perhaps? He was a Templar, he must've been taking it up until now. We've had him for 2 months, it's no wonder." 

"Maybe we should give him some? I think he's about to die. And we still don't have her."

"No...." Cullen said hoarsely, "No lyrium."

"Pipe down you fool. We'll force it to him if he won't take it." 

Cullen saw the bright blue light headed towards his cage, and everything around him became dark and still. There was just the blue light, the song calling to him. A part of him felt bitter and angry, but another part of him was just too tired. It would feel so good to give in, to feel it coursing through his veins once again. Suddenly, shouting and the sound of metal on metal could be heard outside of the room. All of the men ran out with their weapons drawn. Moments later, One-Eye slinked through the doorway. "If you're to die anyway.." he unlocked the cage and stepped inside, "I believe we still have unfinished business. You left my family to die when you pulled out your troops _Commander._ This is for them." One-Eye started kicking Cullen, hard. Cullen could see stars and feel himself dry-heaving. One-Eye lifted his fist for one final blow, and out of nowhere an arrow shot through his neck. He slumped over and fell on top of Cullen. The weight of One-Eye on top of his broken bones made it hard to breathe. He had no strength left. He let his head fall to the side, and there was Brett - an old Templar buddy from the circle - lying next to him. _Well that sucks, huh? _Brett grinned. "Shut up, Brett" Cullen chuckled. Brett looked a bit sad as blood began to trickle down his head, _none of it really matters though, does it? _"Brett... I'm sorry... It should have been me... you're baby... I suppose you're right. Drinks on me after this?"

Leliana was speaking to him as she hulled the body off of him, but he didn't see or hear her. He was mumbling incoherently, barely above a whisper. "Hi Mia" he said as he stared off in the distance, "I want to as well.... by the lake maybe." He coughed up blood and grimaced in pain as Leliana got him upright. The soldiers helped her get him back to camp. She sent a raven to Skyhold and a prayer to the Maker, as the healers tent glowed a light greenish hue. 

_Inquisitor, we've got him. The enemy is eliminated. It isn't good my friend. Aside from his considerable wounds, he is also unaware of who I am and is hallucinating. As I understand it, these are all symptoms of some suffering severely from a lack of lyrium. I can only assume he is being effected this way after all this time is due to the considerable stress to his mental state. He is also showing other symptoms, constant headaches, cold and shaking hands, being unsure whether he is awake or dreaming, paranoia, and being constantly thirsty. I pray to the Maker that these symptoms are due to his extensive injuries, and not leading to something worse due to lyrium withdraw. If anyone can bring him back to us, it's you. If you are well and able, you need to come straight away. Travel safely Inquisitor, L _


	2. When a Good Man Dies

Aria stepped inside the tent. It was dark and smelled like dried blood and vomit. She let out a small cry wen she saw him on the cot. His face was swollen and purple with cuts that split open his eyebrows, cheeks, and lips. His abdomen was covered in once-white blood soaked bandages, and every inch of his body was covered in red, purple, and yellow bruises. A healer sat next to him, "He's been bleeding internally so one of us is at his side at all times. I'll be right outside the tent to give you two some privacy." She patted Aria's hand as she left in sympathy and closed the flap.

Aria walked over to Cullen and gently placed her hand on his cheek. "Cullen? My love... can you hear me?" Cullen's eyes sprang open, bloodshot broken blood-vessels filled his eyes with dark circles from exhaustion underneath. His eyes focused on hers and instantly brimmed with tears. She watched his tensed face fill with pain, and quickly turn to anger.

"NO!" he roared, "Back you filthy fucking demon, I'll fucking kill you!" She was shocked into silence. She had never heard him curse before, other than the one time in bed from pleasure overtaking him. He never swore in front of her, but especially not at her. His arms flailed angrily, and he grabbed her throat with one hand with surprising strength while the other wound back and punched her hard in the face. She cried out and crumpled to the ground.

"Cullen!" He jumped out of bed ready to pounce. "It's me, please! Cullen!!" Oh gods, if he doesn't recognize her now, then is he truly lost to her? Is Leliana right? His eyes seemed to focus on hers and something changed.   
  
"Aria? You're.. where am I? Wait.. Maker no... Ari!" He closed the gap between them and scooped her up in his arms. And then she felt how small he was, how frail. She cried for him, for his hurt and his suffering. He lightly glided his fingertips across her swollen cheek, "Maker, what have I done. Is it really you?" 

"I promise, Cullen, it's me. Nothing's going to hurt you anymore, I promise."  
  
"It's... it's really you?"

"I'm here... I'm here. I'm so sorry it took so long. I couldn't find you Cullen... I couldn't...." She wiped the tears from her eyes to see him more clearly.   
  
He groaned in pain and clutched his side, sliding down to the ground. The healer ran in, "heavens! Are you alright my lady? Oh no, his wounds." She placed her hands on Cullen's abdomen. "He's bleeding internally. If you're alright, will you go and get the other healer? Oh, here she is. Just wait outside dear, we'll let you know when we've stopped the bleeding. It's alright Commander, you're safe" she said as she flooded the room with soothing mana. 

Aria stepped into the bright sunlight dazed. "It's worse than when I rescued him from the circle," Leliana said softly, "last time was different. It was much longer this time. I'm so sorry I wasn't faster Ari.

"It's not your fault Leliana. You found him, and I can't thank you enough for that." 

The healer stepped outside. "It's under control now. Bit I fear he's not out of the woods yet. It keeps re-opening. He's lost too much blood, and he's suffering from severe dehydration, not to mention what horrors he has faced. We must be vigilant. We can't give him much for the pain, or we might miss something important like the internal bleeding. Oh, my lady! Let me heal you." Aria had scarcely remembered her face, but now that it was mentioned she felt fire and needles in her cheek. "Ah... you're cheekbone has been fractured. Not to worry dear, I can heal that for you. But I'm afraid that bruise will get worse before it gets better."

Aria stepped back inside the tent. He was awake, gripping the sheets in agony. "Aria, thank the Maker." She was relieved to hear him say her name. "I thought I'd never see you again.. I... what happened to your face?! Are you alright... I.... wait.. Maker no... I didn't?" he said everything quickly and in an agitated tone. 

"It's alright, Cullen. Everything's going to be alright." She went to him and ran her fingers through his blood stained hair. "I'm here... shhh..." and he drifted off into a fitful sleep. 

Once he was stable, the journey back to Skyhold was difficult. Luckily they were only 2 days away, but with Cullen's injuries they made it back in 3. Once there, he drifted in and out of consciousness for 2 days. He saw his parents and his siblings, and was visited by old friends from the circle, only to be confused to see his friends from the Inquisition. Slowly, being back re-oriented him and he began to feel at home. Finally, back home at Skyhold. He hadn't thought he would ever see it again. The more and more he became more conscious of his surroundings, the less and less his old friends and parents came to him in visions. 

On the 4th night back in Skyhold, he awoke in their chamber, in their bed, as if the nightmare of the past few months never happened. He reached out for her but she wasn't there. He looked over to see her curled up on the couch. Her hair covered her face and she breathed peacefully. She was beautiful, and he could watch her for hours. He thanked Andraste that she was his, here and safe, just has he had every night since their wedding night. She stirred and beamed up at him, "Cullen!" she said happily, moving over to the bed.

"Maker, your face Aria, it's bleeding."

"You had a nightmare, it's not your fault sweetheart." 

His stomach dropped. He saw the fingerprints from where he had grabbed her throat. "I never thought I could ever hurt you" he said as a tear rolled down his cheek.

"It will heal, and so will you. Shh... it's ok" she said soothingly. She cradled his head against her.

"When I was there... I had visions.. terrible nightmares. I saw you Aria, broken.. beaten.. and worse... and then you turned into an abomination to end it all, because I couldn't save you. You said you had always known I would kill you.. that you never believed I.."

"Cullen, that was a nightmare. I always have and always will believe in you. You would never hurt anyone, especially me." He brushed her bruised cheek with his thumb. "No Cullen, you weren't in your right mind. That isn't you my love."

"I need you to know Aria, you asked me all those years ago, what I would do. I need you to know, that I would die first Ari. I couldn't do it, I... I would rather die" he silently and tearlessly sobbed. "Ari... you can move on from this, from me."

"Cullen!"

"Ari, I think I'm going mad from this. I think this is it for me. These thoughts, and now the lyrium and the visions.... I'm just a danger to you. I gave it my best shot, but lyrium is stronger."

"Cullen, stop!" she said loudly. She sighed and said softly, "You have been through more in these past 2 months than anyone should go through in a lifetime, and this wasn't even the first time. Maker if I could take some of that away for you. But that's why this is happening to you. I refuse to believe that this could happen now after all this time. Anyone would feel they are going mad with what you've been through. And don't you think, even for a second, that I would ever leave you when you needed me, or at all for that matter." 

He looked down at the sheets, unconvinced. "I'm not worthy of you, Aria."

"You are worthy, Cullen. Of life, love, happiness. You've given all of those things to me, more than you know." He looked up at her with a deep love. Maker did he love her. She kissed his forehead and whispered. " You've given me love, happiness, a home, and by the Maker I will try till my last breath to give you all of those things in return. You've given me more than you know husband." She took his face in her hands. "Something that will be returned to you in a few months." She smiled and blushed at him.

He blinked at her, uncomprehending, trying to think of what he had given her. The night before he had left he had given her a necklace. It sat on her chest now. And then, they had given each other a night unlike any other, full of passion and love. Maker how she had moved that night. The memories of it got him through the following months. 

"Cullen... I'm pregnant." He looked at her hesitantly. "We're going to have a baby, Cullen."

Every thought left him and he felt a bubbling joy erupt in his chest. He leapt forward and kissed her deeply and passionately. He broke the kiss, "really? Aria... you're... we're?" She nodded, a few tears escaping her eyes. He laughed. He actually laughed, something he thought he might not ever do again, or at least for a very long time. He placed both hands on her stomach, and for the first time noticed a small bump. "Ari!" he exclaimed as he kissed her. She giggled as she pulled away.

"So, Mr. Rutherford," she paused and her smile faded, "I know that you have given so much. But I must ask more from you. I need you to heal. Please Cullen," she held back a cry, "don't leave me. I can't do this without you. I don't even want to live without you Cullen."

Makers breath, he had been so sure of his demise and thoughts of her being better off without him, that he had forgotten how very much she loved him. As much as he loved her, really. Her unconditional and devoted love that amazed him along every turn in their journey. He needed to be here, it was his duty now to protect her heart. Maker, it was his duty now to protect her body and... his child. He felt as if his old self and the things of his past were drifting further away, like the Cullen of the past was dying and a new one was taking his place. There was before her, and after her. Before, and after the child. He was a man who was living in the after. Thanks to her.

"Aria, I'm so sorry. Of course I'll be here. I promise, I'll fight.. I'll fight this." He kissed her deeply and brought his hands back to her stomach. She grimaced at the cold, but placed her hand son top of his. "We're... we're going to have a baby" he said slowly. "Maker's breath..." he sighed happily, and then he felt it. The baby inside her. He gasped... "Andraste preserve me, was that..." she nodded with tears. Cullen choked up. That was _his_ child. It was his child. How did he get so blessed? He pushed his forehead against hers, "Aria, you're so beautiful." 


	3. Healing

The next week passed agonizingly slow. He still felt so week. The healers gave his organs a boost, and they were nearly completely healed, but he could barely walk, much less hold a sword. He hated feeling this helpless. Aria's tea and magic helped his withdraws get back to being manageable, and he began to eat again. Although his cold hands still shook uncontrollably and muscles were still weak from captivity, he had something to fight for. If any other persons or dangers were to present themselves, he needed to protect her. He knew she wasn't helpless and was one of the most powerful mages he had ever known, but he needed to be there for her. It was plain to see that she was exhausted. He was afraid to sleep and wake her or harm her with his nightmares, so he took frequent naps during the day. If he hadn't been doing so poorly, his pride wouldn't have allowed for naps. The Commander of the Inquisition doesn't... nap. Aria assured him there was nothing he needed to do to help her, but oh how he wanted to. She was growing their child within her, she was doing so much for them. Her face had finally healed. Every time he saw her throat of cheek he burned with shame and sorrow. But now, he was starting to notice those tiny freckles that he adored so much, and it gave him joy. 

He sat at his desk looking through paperwork when he heard her enter. "Drink" she commanded as she set down a cup of medicinal tea. It tasted awful, but he downed it quickly and with thanks. He watched her closely out of the corner of his eye, as he did very frequently these days to keep an eye on her. The marbari followed her around like a shadow. _Good dog_. She leaned over to look at his papers as she absent-mindedly rubbed her lower back. He could tell she was sore, she needed to rest. "Why don't you go up and rest, I'll join you shortly." 

"You better," she said as she stifled a yawn, "you need rest too. And.. I need you with me" she said lovingly. 

When he rounded the stairs to their quarters, he heard voices. He continued ascending but listened carefully. 

"I am a little concerned, my lady. There was so much stress at the beginning of your pregnancy, and these pains you've been having. Try and stay off your feet as much as possible, or we'll have to put you on bed rest. Here's some pre-natal tea, some bark for the morning sickness, and more medicinal tea for the Commander. Please, keep me apprised my lady." 

He walked up the last few steps, still slowly as ever, as the healer passed him quickly. "Aria," he said tightly, concern all over his face.

"Its alright dear" she said brightly, "would you like some tea for your headache? I bought more peppermint today" she said as she watched him clutching his side in pain from the stairs. 

"You know, I had wounds and pain before and I had to cope on my own. Didn't I just hear the healer tell you to stay off of your feet?" He was using his commander voice, and she knew he was upset. She looked away sheepishly. "And you're in pain? Why would you tell me sweetheart?"

She looked down. "Cullen, I found you 3 times this week seeing and hearing things that aren't there. I'm worried about you. You're dealing with so much... I can deal with this.." she said as she gestured towards herself. 

"Please Ari," he said softly, "I want to be 100% in this with you. It's my child too."

"Of course, Cullen, I know. Come here." He sat on the bed next to her. "There's something else I should tell you. I spoke with some specialists today. In all other cases, once the hallucinations set in, it only takes a week for dementia and memory loss, and it's a quick physical decline after that. Lyrium withdraw patients don't usually live for long after that happens." He looked away, and squeezed her hand. "I don't think you're dying, Cullen. You've been seeing things and hearing things since you were back there, and you haven't had any memory loss since your first couple days back. Everything else has improved, rather than decline. I think you've been through so much, that your brain found a way to cope with it when you were tortured. And now your mind needs to recover just as much as your body." 

He looked into the fire pensively. "Cullen, you can tell me anything. Whenever you're ready. I'll always love you."

He was silent for a few minutes, and very slowly, began to tell her everything. How they beat him regularly, enough to keep him subdued and barely conscious but not enough to kill him. How the withdraw symptoms got so bad that he couldn't hold down any food or water. That the nightmares became reoccurring hallucinations of her being beaten, tortured, raped, and turned. How he still sees her blood on his hands when he wakes up at night. 

She sat listening, silent tears of grief for his pain and suffering. She recalled when they were first together, how his nightmares woke him frequently. But the longer they were together, the less frequent the nightmares became, and since they were married they were rare. Now he awoke every night screaming. He had come so far only to be drug back down. It wasn't fair. Tears spilled down his cheeks as he spoke of her, and she soothingly rubbed his head with soothing magic. They sat in the quiet holding each other and watching the shadows cast by the fire dancing on the floor. 

"Cullen.. you are the bravest and strongest person I have ever met. No one else in the world has survived lyrium withdraw, and you have done it for years, all while under insane amounts of stress aad pressure, and now more pain and torture.." she struggled through that last word... "I can't begin to tell you how much I admire and respect you, or how deeply and truly I love you. Every single part of you. I wish I could take away some of your pain. You deserve peace. I'll do everything in my power to give you that for the rest of our lives." She kissed him, and settled her head on his shoulder. He squeezed her tightly in gratitude, unable to speak. Maker, did he love her. 


	4. Temptation

A few more weeks went by and Cullen gained strength by the day. Cassandra took him to the training yard in the mornings and they worked on regaining his strength and confidence. He watched as Aria's belly grew to a size where other people started to notice. Their little secret of joy was no longer theirs. He was a little sad, but also started to feel extreme pride. It was the highest he held his head in months. She was always small, especially compared to him, but she started to look even smaller as her belly grew round with his child. It made her even more adorable than ever. Sometimes they would just lie together feeling the child kick and move. They spoke of names and cribs and family trips to the sea. The hope he felt grew each day, as did his love for Aria. He had always found his hope in her, and now more than ever.

He sat in the hall, watching her laugh and speak with Josie, and he felt a lightness in his chest. Suddenly, her face pinched up and she gripped her back. Josie rubbed her arm soothingly. The pain was still there. He would ask her if she spoke with the healer again tonight. He kept a close eye on her while he ate his lunch.

"Did you see that? I knew it." He heard someone down the table say softly.

"Definitely. And our dear Commander was indisposed for the past few months. So what does that tell you?" Cullen listened more carefully.

"I hear that she's been seen a lot with the Elf from the kitchens. He's pretty handsome for an elf, so who knows."

"I've heard more than that!" One lady said with sniff. "It's as you said my dear, the Commander wasn't here, so it's easy at least to know he's not the father. And Pierre and I have limited it down to two. One is the elf from the kitchens, but there is another knife-ear that she was seen with constantly while the Commander was captured. The one from the gardens? Apparently, he built her a rose garden to cheer her up. Very romantic, no?"

Cullen's blood was boiling. His hands were fists of anger. "Either way, the Commander is a fool. A knife-ear? And a cheating bitch at that. Why stay with her now?"

"It's quite the other way around my dear. She is the Inquisitor and holy Herald. He is a commoner. But if she was going to cheat she should have at least been smart about it. Nobility at the very least."

If Josephine was here, she'd have a plan to combat these rumors with civility and grace. If Leliana were here, she'd have a way to chop the head off of these rumors without leaving a trace, all while humiliating the involved parties. But they weren't here. And Cullen had a much more direct approach to matters. He slammed his fists down on the table, ready to heave himself up and pummel into the first person to dare him. Leliana placed a hand on his arm. "Where the bloody hell did you come from?" He asked heatedly.

"These rumors haven't just started today my friend. But fighting them head on will only make you seem the jealous fool and give the rumors ground. Let them see that beautiful baby, who looks just like you and not an elf. Then nothing else will matter" she walked away silently. She was right of course. A half-elf will look human, and all the 'suspected' parties were Elven. _Why would she choose a human after all, _he thought bitterly. _One who was captured, rather than an elf making romantic gestures._ He felt the bitterness rise in his throat and he looked over at her.

She sat there, watching him and smiling. She was staring at him actually... dreamily. She quickly blushed and nodded before looking down. Maker she was beautiful. He strode over to her, gently took her chin with his thumb, and kissed her deeply. Josie blushed happily. Aria sighed into his kiss. There was no doubt, to anyone with any intelligence, that she was incredibly in love with him, and he with her. He brushed a finger over her stomach as he walked away, a silent goodbye to his unborn child, and walked out the door to his office.

Later that evening, he found her in bed with her feet propped up on a couple of pillows, with a cookie in one hand and a book in the other. Maker, how was she this perfect and beautiful? She looked up at him and noticed there were tears in her eyes. "What's wrong love?"

"Cullen, I need to tell you something. I've been afraid to, but Cullen I know how much you love me."  


"Of course, you can tell me anything."

"There are.. certain things... that might make you very upset. Claims that... the child isn't yours."

"Yes, so I've heard."

"You have?!" She exclaimed. "Oh... well... there is even one in particular, a man from the gardens. Apparently he started one of these rumors himself. That he had romantically courted me in your absence, and that he and I..... well... we... and... the child is his." While he had very strong plans to find this man and physically remove him from the premise immediately, it could wait until morning. He placed a hand on her stomach. "Cullen, why would anyone do that? You know that I would never.... Oh Cullen, you know how much I love you surely.. I would never..." 

"Aria, of course I know that." He brushed some hair behind her ear. "I suppose this person wants fame and attention. Which he will find tomorrow. After Leliana disposes of him in an appropriate way." She smiled at this. 

"There's more, Cullen." 

"Of course there is. There always is, isn't there? What else?"

"There are... rumors of you as well." He hadn't heard any of those, and Leliana hadn't mentioned more. "Supposedly, you and quite a few recruits in the barracks... at once."

His hand shot up behind his neck and he blushed profusely, "Maker's breath, Ari." 

She giggled. "And, you and that lovely women from the Chantry. _And_ the girl from the Herald's Rest. _And _quite a few others actually.

He looked at her dumbfounded. "You are truly much to handsome for your own good. Apparently, too many temptresses have come upon your door calling. And hard as you have tried to steer them away, a few got through you reserved exterior. A honor-bound ex-templar, needing to let loose, too much... what was it they said... too much 'pent up sexual energy' I believe is what they said," she said using air-quotations, and a sly little grin. 

He was squirming around so much, and it was just too adorable to pass up. "You might even have a bastard child roaming around Skyhold I hear."

"For Andraste's sake, they take that one too far, even for falsehoods!" He was flustered, his hand still scratching his neck. 

"How many ladies have come calling since our union, Commander?" she asked teasingly. 

He looked at her seriously. "Only 5 since our wedding, and I sent them away. VERY sternly. I had to physically remove one from my office while we were dating. I don't like apprehending women, but by the maker if they try to assault me I believe I have no choice." 

She hadn't actually expected there to be a real answer, and now she was a bit jealous. She looked at him shocked. "Assault you?!" she said, in a bit higher pitch than intended. 

"She.. attempted to... touch an inappropriate place." He turned 2 shades redder. "Luckily I was wearing my armor. Or I fear I may have lashed out and smacked her." 

"Is this person still here?" She asked heatedly.

"No, most left after the exalted council. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to upset you. Nothing happened Ari, and I made it clear that we were very happily together. But since these rumors are flying around, it might be best that you hear it."

"How many before we were married?" He gaped at her. "How many, Cullen?"

"I didn't care to keep track." He said, returning to his blushing and scratching. 

"By the Maker!" she exclaimed. She slowly grinned up at him. "And you're all mine. I'm the luckiest girl in all of Thedas, Mr. Rutherford. That you chose me." She kissed him on the nose. 

"And I return the sentiment, my lady. Apparently you were a fool to choose a commoner, but I will do my best." 

She outright laughed. "Well, you chose a knife-eared one-armed mage, so not sure you could've sunk much lower."

He cupped her face in his hands, "Don't Ari... don't say that please." He kissed her deeply and pressed her body to his. "You are so incredibly beautiful. Everything about you." He kissed the tips of her ears, and began to nibble on one. She sighed happily. He kissed down her ear, and down her Vallaslin, across her cheeks and nose. "Ar lath ma, Vhenan." 

She gasped in surprise, and looked at him. "Ar lath man, Vhenan" she returned as she kissed and bit at his neck.

They realized how much they had missed each other, the closeness of their bodies, the fire of each other's touch. And they reveled in it, knowing that no one else in Thedas could understand what they shared. 


	5. Growing Pains

"Aria, I really wish you wouldn't."

"Cullen, I've been cooped up for months. Just a quick stroll to gather some herbs. I need fresh air."  
  
"It's Skyhold, fresh air is everywhere!"

"Please, Cullen." She looked up at him with those big eyes and he melted.

"Ari, I swear."Ugh, just for a short while, please. If I don't see you around here in an hour I'll probably severely loose my composure."

"Yes sir, Commander Sir!" she said with a solute, and began putting her shoes on. 

"And bring Maggie and Cerberus with you." He looked down at the Marabi. "Keep an eye on her you here? Come and get me if she needs me." The dog gave a great woof and followed Aria out the door. 

He bought his work to his office tower so that he could keep an eye on her, but of course she went behind a few hills. He tried so hard to focus on getting work done, but found it very difficult. 

20 minutes passed, then 30. When 45 minutes passed, he started pacing. He had said an hour, but he didn't like her being out in the wilderness like this. "I needed a walk anyways" he said to himself. He bolted out the door and headed out of Skyhold towards the hills she had went to. She had told him once that those hills held especially healthy herbs that she liked. It was a brisk walk in the cold mountain air. His hands were cold, and he shook them regularly to keep feeling in them. 

About 5 minutes in he heard Cerberus barking madly, and saw the great marabi running towards him. Cullen started running then, the marabi leading the way. Then he saw her, on the ground, small amounts of red in the snow around her. 

"Commander!" Maggie exclaimed, "I just sent Cerberus to find you. I didn't want to leave her."

"Thank you, Maggie" he said as he bent down to Aria.

"We walked so slowly, took our time and were careful, I'm sorry."

"It's o.k., Maggie. Go get the healer and bring her to my office." Maggie ran off as quickly as she could in the snow. "Maker, Aria. Are you alright? What's happening?"

"I don't know Cullen" she whimpered. "Something's not right. I..." she stopped and winced in pain and clenched her stomach.

_Not this. Anything but this. Please, Andraste, keep them safe. _"Let's head back Aria, the healer can help." He watched as she put her hand on her stomach and cast forth a green glow.

He helped her up. When she stood, she stumbled and he caught her. "Cullen..." she said so softly, "I'm.. so tired". This made him scared. He had seen enough injured soldiers to know that falling asleep while injured meant nothing good. He scooped her off of her feet and started carrying her back. "It's like when you saved me before Cully. Do you remember? You found me in the snow and carried me all the way back?" 

"I remember Ari. I'll always bring you back. I'll always find you. And I believe it was you who saved all of us that time." He kissed her forehead and trekked further through the snow.

"Yes, but I would have frozen to death in less than an hour had you not found me and carried me back. We're always saving each other, I suppose."

While he was completely healed, he still wasn't as strong has he had been before, but adrenaline was pumping through his body, and he knew he could make it. He thought of their child in her womb, the blood on the snow. He felt the blood seeping through her clothes onto his arms. If he lost them now...

They finally made it to the gates, and the healer was there. "Set her down, quickly." He did as he was told. She put both hands over Aria's stomach and pushed her mana forth. "I've stopped the bleeding. We should take her to her room, because wherever we place her is where she'll be until she delivers." He nodded and picked her up. 

Once they arrived in their quarters, the healer was there the rest of the day, casting spells and healing and Maker knows what else. Cullen felt helpless. He took a cool cloth and wiped Aria's forehead. He softly touched her arms with his fingertips soothingly when she pinched her face in pain or discomfort. 

Late into the evening, things died down. "That was close, Inquisitor. We could have lost you both. I knew something was amiss, but just couldn't see it until now. You only have a month left my dear, but I'm afraid it will be spent up here. You need bed rest." The healer looked like she expected a fight from Aria, but received none.

"Thank you, Bess. Truly."

"You're lucky you have such a doting husband, traipsing around after you and carrying you back here." She gave him a wink, and left them. 

She sat in the quiet for a moment, and then said, "Cullen... I'm so sorry."

"Shhh..." he said as he softly pet her hair, "All is well. You're safe now." 

"Only because of you."

"Aria.... I can't lose you... I can't lose either of you.... I just can't." 

"We feel the same way about you" she said as she squeezed his hand.

She rolled over and buried her face in his chest. After a few moments, she peaked up at him. "Will you take this off please? It's in the way?" she said as she tugged at his shirt. He laughed and peeled off his night shirt. She sighed contentedly and nuzzled into his neck and softy grazed her hands across his chest. 


	6. The Dawn

The next month raced by for Cullen, and inched forward for Aria. She had plenty of visitors of course, but it was still difficult for her. 

Cullen was busy purchasing things they would need for the baby, and getting them delivered. He and Thom carried a crib that Thom had hand-crafted up to their quarters. The crib and a tiny rocking horse. It was beautiful. Thom blushed when she said so, an mumbled his thanks before he left. Cullen had fastened safety locks on the terrace doors, and installed another safety gate in front of the stairs. He happily chatted as he built it and set it up. Aria hadn't seen him so happy before, and her heart filled with warmth. 

"You've only a couple weeks left Aria, you can do it. And then," he said as he happily plopped on the bed beside her and rested his head on her stomach, "then we'll have a little one and you'll get no rest in bed for quite a bit." She chuckled, and he could feel the little one reaching out to him through her. "I love you little one" he said softly. Aria blushed and thought herself foolish when tears threatened to escape. She grimaced as the familiar pain shot through her back. Cullen felt her tense up. "The pain again?" She nodded. "Here" he said gesturing for her to lean forward. He gently kneaded her back with his fingertips, the way he had learned to over the past few months. 

"I have to pee... again." she said in an annoyed tone. She clearly was enjoying the massage. 

"Don't worry, I'll keep going when you return." She smiled back at him. 

He sat back and watched the dust float and shimmer in the sunlight in the top of their quarters. He was really going to be a father. She slowly walked over from the closet to the desk with tea. She started to brew a cup.   
Cullen looked down at his hands. They were shaking badly today. He felt a cold sweat roll down his temple, threatening to give him a splitting headache. She brought him over a cup of the tea for his symptoms. "How did you know?" he asked, "I just now noticed."

"You're my husband" she said, "it's my job." 

He couldn't even hold the cup steady enough to drink. She placed her hands on either side of his, and he felt her mana soothe him. "Ari, how on earth am I going to be a good father? I can't even drink this damned tea without you."

She looked at him seriously. "You're going to be a good father because the man I married has the best heart of anyone I've ever known. He's selfless and brave. And he already loves his child more than life itself. You'll understand once your holding that child, that you are the only one in the world who can raise them and protect them and love them just as much as you do." She held his hand a bit tighter. "You are wonderful and amazing. Your hands might shake but your heart is strong. And that is what your child needs." 

She walked back over to pour herself some tea. He looked at her in awe. "How do you always know what to say? How are you so amazing and beautiful?"

She looked back at him, "because I'm with someone who allows me to be. I don't have to harden my heart away. I can love freely. A never ending cyclical gift to each other." She blushed and looked down slightly. "You know... you..." she stopped abruptly and dropped her tea. She clutched at her stomach, and for a moment didn't even breathe. Cullen shot up out of the bed and rushed over to her. He now saw the blood soaking through her nightgown. 

"Aria!" 

"Cullen, I..." she stopped and fainted. He caught her just in time, and drug her back to the bed. 

"Aria, please... Aria wake up!" 

He ran down the stairs and bumped into Leliana. "Leliana, please, grab the healer quickly. She's passed out, and there's blood." Leliana's face went white and she ran out of the corridor. He ran back up to her. She lie unconscious on the bed, blood slowly seeping into the sheets. He brushed her hair out of her face gently, and noticed she was covered in a layer of sweat. "Maker, Ari please."

The healer barreled in and instantly he felt her mana surge through the room. "O.k. Commander, this is it. We have to deliver the baby now or they both die. We have to wake her, and she must deliver." The healer cast a spell and Aria's eyes opened slowly. 

"Cullen?" she said softly. 

"I'm here Ari. It's time sweetheart. Time to meet our baby."

"Something's wrong" she said in a strained tone.

"There's a few things wrong sweetheart, but nothing I haven't seen before. We'll see you through this" the healer said gently. "Now I'm going to break your water. Do you know the spell to start contractions?" Aria nodded. "When I say so, start them up o.k. dear?" The healer set her hands on Aria, and they heard a gushing sound. "Now." Aria's hand glowed as she placed it on her belly, and after a moment, she stopped abruptly and cried out softly. "There we go dear, and we're off."

Cullen could hardly believe it was here. This was happening. He was so maker-damned scared. After a couple of hours, Aria's soft cries became louder, and tears streamed down her face. He wished beyond wishing that he could take this pain for her. He held on to her tightly.

"Commander, you need to get behind her. She can't prop herself up with one arm, and we need to really hunker down now."

He got behind Aria and held on to her tightly. She gripped his arm with her hand, threw her head back into his chest and cried. 

"Alright dear, I know you're tired. I've done everything I can to turn the baby, and I've stopped most of the bleeding as we've gone along. The baby is almost completely facing the correct way now, but it's stuck just a tad. You have to push, and you're going to have to push hard."

Aria nodded as she groaned and breathed out heavily. They waited in silence for the next contraction. "You can do this Aria. I'm here." she leaned back into him a bit more. And then it hit. She screamed, and gave everything she had into it. He felt her whole body baring down on a single point, and felt her mana rise from her body. 

"Use that honey, push with that mana" the healer encouraged.

He felt her mana surge down through her. He felt like he was underwater from the strain of it. She was so powerful, even now. Eventually, her mana began to fade. It was another few hours later, when he felt her body slump into his, her breaths labored. The healer checked everything over once again. "Aria, listen to me. The placenta is detached, and not placed in a good place for your baby. We need to get it out now, or we might loose it. Do you understand?" This took Cullen's breath away. He felt as if he had been punched in the gut. Loose it? Loose their child? To be so close, only to have it's little life stolen away now. 

"You can do this Aria!" he said firmly.

Her mana surged, and she bared down once again. She gripped his arm and threw her head back once again. She pushed harder than he had seen all night. "That's my girl" he whispered as he lightly kissed her sweat soaked hair.

"That's it Aria! The babe is starting to crown!" The healer pressed her hand into Aria and used her magic to add to the contractions. "Push, Aria!"

He felt Aria use up every bit of mana that was in her, felt her give every ounce of strength she had left. She screamed in pain and determination. And suddenly, the child was out. The healer gave it a good slap across the back and he heard it's first breath. Big and beautiful and strong, and the sweetest loudest cry out. The nurse handed the babe to Aria. "It's a girl!" the healer said, beaming. "Congratulations!" You hold that babe right against your skin while I take care of the after birth. Commander, help her support that babe. Push with the next contraction Aria." 

Cullen and Aria gazed at their newborn. Cullen let two big tears roll down his cheek and plop right onto Aria's arm. "Oh Cullen," she cried, "she's beautiful. Oh Maker, she's ours." He gently kissed the top of Aria'as head.

"You did it, Aria. I knew you could do it." He kissed her again. "You gave us our baby... thank you" he whispered as he kissed the baby's head gently. 

"Commander," the healer said gently, "will you hold the babe a moment?"  
  
Aria held out the tiniest little baby, and Cullen carefully and cautiously held her for the first time. He looked down at her in awe. "I love you, little one" he whispered as he closed his eyes and nuzzled his newborn baby. 

"Cullen," Aria said softly. He looked at her, at her beautiful smile, at her beautiful spirit. He had never loved her more. And then her eyes fluttered shut, and her head tilted to the side. He stared confused, and then looked at the healer, who was diligently working on Aria.

"There are things still inside of her Commander, and I can't seem to get them moving. It's crucial that they be removed, or they will cause an infection that will kill her. She is also bleeding internally, which is why she's passed out. I have to solve that problem first. Hold on to your child, I'll see to Aria." 

Cullen slowly backed up and sat on the couch in shock. He looked at his newborn baby. _Aria... you can't leave us now.... please.._

He watched as she grew paler, she seemed so small and sickly, a cold sweat covering her body. She truly looked like he was about to loose her. The healer didn't stop working all night. 

"Commander, place the baby in the crib for a moment, I need you." He did so quickly. "I've lost her heartbeat commander, you're going to help me get it back." 

"You've... she's?!" he rushed over to Aria's side.

"Yes, but not if we can help it. She's lost too much blood. You need to press down on her chest, hard Commander. Hard enough to hurt her, that's what will restart her heart. I have my mana surrounding it. If we work together quickly. He jumped atop the bed and began. It was only a minute, but it felt like an eternity. He heard he breathe in deeply, and thanked the Maker. "That's it, you've done it! O.k., I've stopped the bleeding. On to problem number two." It took an hour, but eventually the healer was able to get everything else to pass. 

It was the early hours in the morning when Aria regained consciousness. She opened her eyes to the sight of her husband, cradling their new born baby girl. The healer told her the tale of how the Commander restarted her heart and saved her life. "See, we just keep on saving each other." 

He blushed, "I will always come for you, and I will always save you." 

"Ditto" she said lightly. 

"Here" he said as he handed their baby to her. He watched as the newborn suckled and he stood in awe once again. He saw Aria's motherly love as she gazed upon her sweet babe, and he knew now that he loved her more than words could ever describe. He laid beside them and cradled them close to him. "I love you, so much."

"I love you too, Cullen" she kissed his cheek. 

"And I love you sweet babe" and he bent over and kissed his child. His child. Their child. He sighed and watched the dust in the top of their quarters dance in the sunlight. He kissed the babe once more. The dawn hard arrived, as the sun rose beautiful and bright over Skyhold. 

* * *


End file.
